Here we go — I’m here to share my top 5 phrases about love, that give me the absolute irates.
Buckle up, buttercup — this is bound to cause some controversy!
Pssst that I have Rowan Atkinson as the image for this post, might give you a hint that this piece is a little tongue in cheek. (Just a little.)
I now pronounce you man and wife
Every time I hear this phrase in a movie or TV show, I literally scream at the screen:
IT’S WOMAN AND HUSBAND YOU TWATS!~
every women’s libber ever
More appropriate: I now pronounce you officially married.
Mawwige is whut bwings us togevveh today.
Any words used to make “word salad”
These are words that are used as filler, and don’t always have meaning. They’re guff words. Cliches. Blah blah. Yada yada. Doop-di-doo. Fiddlesticks and fossil pie.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
I’ll allow an exception:
We go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong,
Remembered forever as,
shoo-bop sha whada whadda yippidy boom da boom,
Chang chang changity chang shoo bop,
that’s the way it should be,
Waooo Yeah!
We’re one of a kind like,
dip da dip da dip do whap de dobby do,
Our names are signed,
boogedy boogedy boogedy boogedy shooby do wap shoo bop,
Chang chang changity chang shoo bop,
we’ll always be like one,
Wa-wa-wa-one
You may now kiss the bride
First of all, there’s a giant assumption here that there is a bride to kiss. Could be two fellas standing up there!
Secondly, what of the bride’s self-ownership that gives her the power to invite him to kiss her, or to consent to this incoming kiss?
Giving a groom “permission” to kiss his bride is saaaahhhh passĂ©!
More appropriate: If you both wish, go ahead and celebrate your union with a little kiss. (And then I applaud with everyone else when it’s a beautiful lingering falling in to each other smooch with love and softness and mutual adoration.)
Who gives this woman to this man?
FFS, WOMEN ARE NOT POSSESSIONS.
More appropriate: If a couple wishes to adhere to tradition, and be “given away” at the top of the aisle, I tend to use the words: Who presents (name) to be married with (name).
You had me at hello.
Yes, yes, I’ve heard of the thunderbolt moment when eyes meet across the room, and heart rates sky rocket, and the “hello” is a memorable event.
Let’s face it, there’s a bit of “me” and “you” that puts our best face forward at a first meeting. Of course it’s exciting to imagine a rosy future with a perfect mate, and for the first little while, this may seem like it’s for real.
The rest of the relationship, however, is an easing-in to sneak-peeking our idiosyncrasies and drip-feeding our weirdnesses.
More appropriate: You had my full attention and wild imaginings at hello.
I’d like to thank…
OK, a bonus phrase that I just thought of, as I was about to post…. This particular phrase isn’t strictly related to “love”, but I hear it a lot in ceremonies and especially at receptions.
If you’d like to thank someone, just do it! Thank them!
More appropriate: Thanks to …
OK, there’s 5 phrases about love, that I loooaaaathe. (Plus a bonus phrase).
I’m opening the comments below for you to contribute to the list (or to argue with me!)… If you can’t access the comments, you could always try weighing in on my Facey post.
Either way, Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say, and I hope this post helps you level-up your next speech 🙂
Shine on!
Love, Anita