Write your own vows – a “how to” guide

One advantage of civil marriage ceremonies is that you can write your own vows. You can create your own meaningful promises for your future lives together.

Following are three suggestions for how to write vows that have deep meaning for you both.

If you want to write your own vows but don’t know where to start, these exercises may prove helpful. Take some time to do them either together with your fiancé to write similarly themed vows, or separately if you have different ideas of how you want to present your promises.

You may feel that at times it’s a bit mushy or sentimental, but allowing yourself to go into this space will help you find new ways of phrasing your feelings in ways you didn’t know existed!

1. Get inspiration from existing material

Have you ever been to another weddings and a particular reading or blessing “sung” to you, or that sent shivers of happiness down your spine? What do you remember most about that reading? Write down the words, phrases and feelings that you remember. It doesn’t matter if you don’t get them exactly right – getting the “feel” of the piece is what matters.

2. Let music be your guide

As I mention in this Top 10 Wedding Blessings article, lyrics pack a punch when offered in the spoken word. Have you got a song that is significant from the time you first met? Or one that you both love singing together? How about your “first dance” song for you reception? Write down your favourite lines from these songs – the ones that make you love that song so much.

3. Write a love letter

Write a letter to your fiancé. Begin paragraphs with phrases such as:

• It seems like only yesterday that…
• I knew I was in love with you when…
• As a result, (this is what you mean to me)…
• Marriage means to me… (both the good and the bad, what you’re looking forward to the most, how you’ll handle the “bad” times, etc)
• Signed… (with words of love and gratitude, and how you will be known to him/her – your wife, your loving husband, your co-traveller through life, etc)

Scribble, blurt, scrawl or shorthand your way through everything you want to say. There is always time to clean this up later on.

Then, swap letters with your fiancé, and after you’ve read your loved one’s letter, take a highlighter pen and circle sentences that are most meaningful to you. When you are done, discuss the phrases and decide which ones you’ll include in your vows.

To craft your vows, brainstorm some ideas on paper with this “sub-conscious streaming” writing exercise. Begin by writing, “I (name) take you (name)”… and keep writing without stopping to think or analyse what’s going to come next. If you get stuck, incorporate the highlighted phrases you decided on together.

Got any more tips? I’d love to hear them 🙂 Simply add your ideas in the comment box below.

Blissed be,
Anita Revel